I don’t think that anyone does. I barely know myself. It’s difficult to explain what I feel. I’m a positive person by nature, and so many times I down play my depression. The problem is that it affects my partner. Outwardly, I seem fine to all my peers at work. Many of them confide in me because of how ‘positive’ I am.
The reality is that they only know Jekyll, whilst I live Mr Hyde.
I feel like I need to pretend. If I want to be accepted, I need to be Jekyll not Hyde. I want to be a nice person, I desire to help others and outwardly I do much of the time. In my thoughts though, I’m spiteful, vengeful and vindictive. I feel so misunderstood. I’m to blame, I know. I’m only showing everyone one side of who I am. How could I expect them to know anything else?
I think I’m too afraid to let them know who I really am. Am I, who I think I am? Who am I even? The person everyone sees? Or the person looking at everyone?
How could I expect you to know me, if I don’t even know myself?