I’ve started writing for blogs many times. This post is usually the most difficult.

I’m not a great writer, I’d much rather sit with you and have some coffee. But I have a feeling that through you reading what I’m writing, some healing may occur. Yes, we’ll laugh at the times that we both know that I’ve done crazy things. Things that, at the time seemed completely normal for me.

What I promise is that I’ll be completely honest. I won’t cover up and pretend that I’ve been completely cool, when I haven’t. I struggle with depression, so I have some great times and some really low times. Something I guess you can relate to, seeing that you started reading this blog.

I’m also quite an extraverted hopeful person, this could be because of co-dependancy issues, or it could be that it’s who I really am.

I want to write about this journey that I’ve had and am currently going through, as a record that might help. I remember John Watson’s psychologist in ‘Sherlock’ recommending that he start a blog so that he could write about his feelings, and I must admit, that I’ve been largely inspired by that.

The name of the blog, hopeful hopelessness is something that I think that characterises me on the good days, it’s something that I strive towards. When the depression over takes me, I would love to still have an element of hope in me. Sometimes I do, sometimes clearly not. But it’s something that I want to achieve. It’s also something that I think will be helpful for all who might ever read this blog.

Many times I pretend to be okay, because I need to. My job requires that I’m positive, if I stop being positive, then I’ll most likely lose my job.

You can contact me via this blog and I promise to respond, but for the time being I feel like I need to be able to write with absolute transparency things that might jeopardise my career, thoughts I’ve felt about my co-workers and so I’m going to need to keep myself safe.

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